whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
