You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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