ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
