She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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