Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
