I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
