What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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