I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
