It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
