No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
