Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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