I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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