Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize