we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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