He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
