take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
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we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
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I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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