I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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