that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
