Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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