oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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