I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
