did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
