so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he was CRYING into my vagina
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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