I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
