I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
