Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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