John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
