People with herpes should wear stickers.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
