If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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