I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
