Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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