Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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