Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
a search helicopter?!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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