he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
