I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
