So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
