Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
that is very illegal...i love you.
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