I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
