we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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