I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
