Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
