Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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