look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
