we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
