You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
