I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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