and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
