So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
