I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
