why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
