My entire life is one complicated drinking game
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
