Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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