I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
