My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
