well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
