dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
