I'm jealous of your bromance
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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