So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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