I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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