Soap is not a condiment
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
