Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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