I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
