come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
