Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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