Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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