i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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