I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
