Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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