My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
